Intensive Course in Eerie Stuff
by GoodKing0
Summary: Timeline 3 is a weird, supernatural Timeline where, because of Pierce getting the damn pizza, everything went to Hell. And returned. WITH A VENGEANCE! (WARNINGS: AU from after 3X15, Vampire!Jeff/Werewolf!Annie, Grim Reaper!Britta, Mad Scientist!Abed, Slayer!Shirley, Frankenstein Monster!Troy, Ghost!Pierce) Rated M for many reasons but not the normal one.
1. Analysis in Paranormal Romance

**A N: Right behind you. (I don't own Community)**

**A N 2: Allison Brie has stated that J/A will not get together this season. *DEEP BREATH* No, no, I'm fine, let me just… just elaborate this for a minute.**

**A N 3: I will not write SMUT. Period. Why? Because I suck at it. And not in a good way.**

The study group minus Jeff and Annie were sitting around the study table, as always trying and failing to study.

"Have I ever told you of that time…?" Pierce began before being interrupted by his friends groaning.

"Yes, Pierce…" Britta said, exasperated by the man constant interruptions of their studying, "… You've already told us about that time you banged Eartha Kitt on an airplane, that time you met Buddha during an acid trip in the sixties and that time you caught Jeff making out with another man without however having any kind of proves to support that! Can we please study now? We need to be prepared if we want to pass the Biology finals!"

Everyone stared at her.

"What?"

"Annie, why are you inside Britta's body?" Troy asked with a serious tone.

"Ah-Ah, very funny." Britta replied sarcastically.

"I was serious, why is Annie inside Britta's body, Abed?" Troy asked his best friend, genuinely believing that what he was asking was a possible thing.

Pierce snickered, "Eh, Inside Britta's body…"

Britta grunted in disgust.

"I have many theories about that…" Abed began, detached as usual, "… Maybe we instinctively fill the roles that miss from that table when some of our friends are late; this meaning that probably some of us will soon turn in a jerk with a heart of gold…"

"I don't care about your nerdy stuff, pumpkin…" Shirley began half-mindedly, her glaze down on her biology book, "… But I still secretly support your dreams and hopes" She side whispered to him.

"… See. Or maybe during the time they've passed together as Fake-Sisters-Who-Are-Tricking-Each-Other-To-Reveal-The-Location-Of-Their-Phone they must have activated some sort of Freaky Friday course…" Britta stiffened for a moment, "… Which is ridiculous because if there will ever be a Freaky Friday plotline it will involve me and Troy…"

"Damn right…" Troy agreed, doing their handshake with Abed.

"… And it will probably be made only by some unimaginative Season Runners or by a genial writer of Fanfictions."

Annie chose that moment to enter the study room, slam her backpack on a side of her chair and unceremoniously slump herself on it. She grunted a greeting, wide circles around her eyes.

"Annie, pumpkin…" Shirley began, motherly concern overpowering the uncharacteristic behavior from before, "… Are you alright?"

Annie gave a bitter laugh, "And of course, the first person in the whole day to ask Perfect Little Annie if she's alright is Shirley, the mother hen, not the two idiots…" she casted a glare toward Troy and Abed, who both gave a "Who, me?" look at her, "… With which she lives and must have probably heard the most terrible night of her life!"

Troy looked confused before realization hit him, "Oh, so you were the one doing all those screams last night! I believed it was our landlord watching one of his weird films."

Abed cocked his head aside, staring at her.

Annie scoffed, "What are you looking at, Abed?" Abed didn't move a muscle, still staring at her.

"We're Genre Shifting." Abed said, his eyes widening.

"Oh, yeah, of course Abed the thinking machine will cope his roommate emotional breakdown and incontrollable hunger with some geeky stuff, because is so cute when two probably gay morons are so much inept in everything concerning real life that their slave of a friend is forced to do everything for them" Annie scoffed, slumping further into her sit.

"Now, Annie, I know that you're upset, but there's no need to insult your friends to…"

"Fuck you, Shirley, you're not my mother!" Annie yelled, interrupting her.

Troy looked confused.

Abed was still staring wide eyed at Annie, silently repeating the word "No" with his mouth over and over again.

Britta was staring at Annie in shock.

Shirley hided her hurt.

Pierce looked resolute.

"Now, listen here Annie, because I will not repeat myself…" He began with his most serious tone, a hard glare casted toward her, "… You know you are my favorite and stuff, but I will not accept, no, I will not tolerate such behavior from ANYONE in this group toward ANYONE else in my presence. We are a family and, despite our many issues, I still think of us as that. Now, apologize to Shirley for your words, and let's study!"

Annie grunted.

"I make a motion to expel Annie from the study group. Where is the deck of cards so we can vote her out?" Pierce said, still glaring at her.

Annie gasped, "You, Pierce, of all people, YOU, are trying to kick me out? After all that I've done for you?!"

"Yes, and it pains me do it, but…"

She tried the Disney Eyes, "I don't want to leave you guys."

"So apologize to Shirley and promise to check your behavior!" He bellowed at her, not affected by her trickery.

Annie begrudgingly looked at Shirley, "Sorry Shirley, I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just…" She sighed, casting her gaze down, "… Last night was very hard and…" a soft grumble was heard, "… I'm still hungry despite all the pork I've eaten for breakfast."

"Aw, pumpkin, don't worry, I forgive you." She said with a Forgiving-Yet-Condescending tone.

"Pork, Annie?" Britta asked, confused, "Weren't you Jewish?"

"I know…" She whined, "… it's just that, all of a sudden, I want to eat any existing kind of meat…" She casted a look to Britta, beginning to literally salivating, "… Speaking of which, Britta, what have you done to your hair today, you look _delicious_."

Britta gave her a forced smile as she tried to distance herself as much as possible from Annie.

Pierce sighed, "If I wasn't still mad at Annie I would have made a lesbian joke."

The others ignored him.

Jeff chose that moment to enter the study room, slam his bag on a side of his chair and unceremoniously slump himself on it. He grunted a greeting, dark shades covering his eyes.

Five of his six friends were staring at him, the sixth one engrossed in her now open biology textbook.

"What?" Jeff asked, a bit more annoyed by his friends than usual.

"I've got the weirdest sense of déjà-vu." Troy whispered to Abed, who was now staring at Jeff, his eyes wider.

"Jeff…" Britta began, trying to sound normal, "Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? You're not drunk, right?"

Jeff gave a bitter laugh, "Oh, I've tried to get drunk last night, Britta, after hours and hours of thirst, and yet, even after the fourth bottle of scotch, it didn't fucking work!" Britta winced at his friend's outburst.

"As for the sunglasses, apparently, my eyes cannot even handle the damned Colorado's sun without fucking burn!" He yelled, pulling off his glasses and revealing red, bloodshot eyes.

Everyone stared silently at him.

"So, I guess you didn't have a good night then…" Annie said, still looking at her textbook.

Jeff glared at her, "Of course I didn't have a good night, _kid_, but maybe you're too stupid to understand that." He scoffed, slumping down his sit.

"Jeffrey!" Shirley reprimanded him.

Annie gasped, looking up at him from her textbook "At least I don't spend my nights hitting brainless sluts at bars, you rotten jerk!"

"Annie!" Britta reprimanded her.

Jeff turned toward Britta, smirking.

"Britta, I've suddenly realized how much of an idiot I've been on letting you go, why don't we reenact our finest moment during the first paintball war? I believe the audience will not complain." He said while side-eyeing Annie.

Britta gaped at her friend while Troy was glaring at him.

Annie gave to Britta what everyone was pretty sure was a deep growl.

Abed started to slowly put distance between his chair and the table.

Annie turned toward Troy and Abed, smiling sweetly.

"Guys, I'm sorry for having insulted you before. To make things right, I will not only reconsider that sex-scene in that movie you proposed me last week, but I will also pay for a professional cameraman, you know…" She winked at them, "… If Abed wants to join in too."

Troy's and Abed's jaws fell down.

"Well, I have to go…" Jeff said, rising from his chair and knocking it down, "… Alan and I are going to hit some strip-clubs tonight, so…"

"Maybe if I run…" Annie said while abruptly rising from her chair, "… I can always try to get a fly to Delaware and…" She didn't manage to finish her sentence as Jeff grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall. She yelped.

"You're not going anywhere." He hissed at her.

"So give me a reason to stay, big boy…" She whispered to him.

"And then Jeff saw beneath Annie's new and old layers her pleading look…" Abed began to say, desperately trying to stop the inevitable escalation by the use of a running gag.

Both Jeff and Annie were still locking eyes.

"… All of that while Annie was seeing beneath Jeff's old and new layers his insecurity…" He said, still trying to save the situation.

"Give them some slack, A-bed, and let them have their moment…" Pierce began to say before being interrupted by Annie's retort, both she and Jeff now unaware of the outside world.

"Of course, if you think you're not man enough to do it, I can always tackle someone inside a supply closet. I bet that if I don't give him enough time to think even Rich would…" She was cut off by Jeff roughly crushing his lips on hers.

She reciprocated quickly.

Their five friends stared at them in horror.

"Ehm, Hel-lo…" Shirley began, trying to grasp their attention, "… We're still here, you know?!"

Their kiss deepened as Jeff hands began to wander through Annie's body.

"It's official…" Abed said, rising from his sit and slowly backing away, his voice having a slight hint of panic, "… Ladies and gentlemen, we've officially Genre Shifted. I suggest to don't panic and leave this room ASAP."

Troy's eyes bulged out as he too rose from his sit and went on Abed's side, silently panicking.

Their three friends were still staring at Jeff and Annie.

Jeff mouth went from through her jawline toward her neck. She let herself escape a soft sigh as she closed her eyes.

"A-bed, cut your nerdy crap…" Pierce said, still staring at his friends, "… you're ruining the porn here."

Jeff softly kissed her neck.

"Eww, Pierce, we're not watching porn, those are our friends!" Britta said, her eyes too locked on her two friends.

"Our friends while they commit a very immoral act!" Shirley snapped, rising from her sit, "I'm going to stop them!"

And that's when Jeff raised his head in the air, his mouth open. His canines elongated themselves of some inches.

His mouth went down on her neck, biting hard.

She made a sound in between a moan and a scream.

"What the hell, Winger?!" Britta said, rising from her sit and trying to run toward Jeff to separate him from Annie.

She was stopped by Abed's skinny yet strong arms.

"Abed, let me go, he's…" Words died in her throat as she saw Annie open her eyes, now yellow.

Fear paralyzed her.

Abed quickly brought her away from the room as Annie threw Jeff away from her, making him fall on the ground.

The last thing they saw before closing the doors of the study room behind them was Annie jumping on top of Jeff, biting his right shoulder.

* * *

"What the hell happened?!" Britta asked to Abed as they were now safely outside of study room F.

He was barring the glass door with one of Greendale flag-poles.

Loud bangs were heard from inside the room.

"Abed, answer me, what…" She stopped, realizing now that they were missing some heads.

"Oh my God, Troy, Shirley and Pierce are still inside there!" She hit Abed on the back, "… Why have you saved me? You should have thought of them first!"

"Don't worry, Britta…" Abed began, turning towards her, "… In case of emergency, Troy is tasked to escape from the other glass door with Pierce and Shirley and then bar it. He will be here soon."

As on clue, Troy passed a corner, running toward Britta.

And then surpassing her to hug Abed.

"I missed you…" He began, his face on his best friend shoulder.

"GAY!" Pierce shouted, trying to get anyone attention. He failed.

Other loud noises were heard from the room, moans, howls and crashes being the most common ones.

"For the love of God, What's happening in there?" Shirley asked worryingly to her friends.

Abed departed from his hug with Troy.

"Shirley, maybe is better if you sit down…"

"Why?" She asked, a suspicious look casted toward Abed.

"Usually, when in movies someone has to give a Soul-Shattering news like "Shirley, Annie is become the same werewolf who I prophesized will chase you to death", they ask people to sit down first."

"Annie is a what…?!" Britta asked shocked.

"I knew it…" Shirley said, slumping on one of the sits right outside study room F, "… I knew I was going to die by werewolf!"

The others sat near her.

"A werewolf. I suspect it happened during our last adventure, probably like I predicted back in our first year, with Annie as the target instead of Troy" He stared at Britta.

"You predicted that I was going to be turned in a werewolf?!" Troy asked shocked.

A memory hit Shirley's mind, "Britta…" She slowly turned toward her, "… There is nothing you have to tell us?"

Britta shifted uncomfortably in her sit, "W-what, Nooooo, absolutely nothing, why I should tell you that I've accidently cursed Annie because she didn't want to let me have my phone back…" She received four hard stares, "… Whoops."

"You've cursed Annie instead of me?" Troy whined indignantly, "… Ugh, Britta, that's hard to swallow down."

"I didn't believe it would have worked! I just did it to scare her off, and the site where I found it was publicizing it as a very fake, very ineffective spell!"

"Ugh, Britta, pumpkin, only you can Britta'd up a fake spell by making it work."

"Sorry…" She said, slumping in her chair.

"You shouldn't be sorry, Britta…" Abed said matter-of-factly, "… Your deed has, in fact, counterbalanced another grave event that happened on that same night…"

"It has something to do with Forehead being more dickish than usual?" Pierce asked, confused by the whole turn of events.

"Yes, Pierce, because I suspect that that same night, before his return to our apartment, Jeff as been attacked…" He dramatically paused, "… By a vampire!"

"DUM! DUM! DUM!" Troy sang to highlight the importance of the revelation.

Their three friends were dumbstruck.

And then Jeff's very naked, very bloody body went flying from one of the windows of the study room, crashing on the ground.

His friends watched him in horror as he instantly returned to an upright position with a swift movement of his ankles.

"GOOD LORD, I LOVE THAT WOMAN!" he jumped back into the study room.

No more muffled by the glass, Jeff's and Annie's piercing moans and grunts were now audible to everybody in the whole building.

"Alright, Abed, now you will explain me why those two are screwing each other in the Study Room, and you will tell me this with words that even Pierce could understand!" Shirley began with a dangerous tone.

"Thank you for your consideration, Shirley." Pierce said, flattered by his friend apparent care.

"There are many reasons…" Abed began to explain, slightly wincing as he heard his friends slamming their bodies in the wall right behind them, "… Their usual UST, the final stage of their transformation happening, vampires' well known unnatural magnetism, werewolves' well known desire for dominance, Jeff's jealous and possessive side, the fact that Annie is probably in heat, but I'm not sure about that, I have to check the urine samples I took this morning…"

Before anyone could realize what he had just admitted, a massive crash was heard.

Abed put a hand on his heart, "And here it goes our beloved study table, last legacy of our past days as a comedy…"

"What are you talking about, A-bed? We're not dead yet…" Pierce frowned, "… Right?"

"It's already beginning…" Abed began to explain to his friends with a faraway glaze, "… Jeff and Annie were the first domino that needed to fall. It will now happen a chain reactions that will lead on a drastic change in both our format and genre. Our whole lives will be affected by this. We're doomed."

"Geez, Abed, I don't understand your pessimism…" Britta began with a forced smile, "… They've now became a social minority, we shouldn't be afraid of them, but instead understand them and treat them as our equals." She looked around, "Wow, nobody interrupted me, that's new."

* * *

"They waited for their friends to reemerge from the study room. For two hours, they stayed outside the study room, putting up with things that couldn't be unheard, things that couldn't be unseen. At the beginning of the third hour, they gave up their hopes to outlast the stamina and the libido of two unstoppable undead monsters, and went back to their homes, pondering about the situation."

Troy glanced expectantly at Abed, who was somberly driving their car.

Abed remained silent.

Troy sighed, sadly casting his gaze down.

"Cool exposition, Troy, good work."

Troy smiled brightly at that.

* * *

"Wow…"

"Wow…"

Sometime after midnight, Jeff and Annie were laying on the floor of the now destroyed study room.

Half of the windows had been crushed because of blunt force trauma, the other half instead shattered because of one of Annie particularly piercing screams.

All the eight chairs of the study table had been smashed, the table now reduced to splinters.

One of the couches was shredded to pieces, the other severely burned because of the friction caused by their bodies.

All the shelves of the room were severely damaged, their content messily scattered around the room.

The walls were covered in cracks, the air vent obstructed by a fallen segment of the ceiling.

Jeff's and Annie's bags had been torn apart, broken purple pens lying around the room, Jeff's smashed telephone stuck inside one of the walls.

Jeff fondly glanced at the very naked girl still in his arms. He grabbed her tightly.

"So, that just happened…" Jeff said.

"Yeah…" She sighed, "… that just happened."

"Hey, Annie, hey, what's wrong?" He cupped her face, making her look at him.

"It's just…" she began to sob, her Disney eyes in full force, "… I'm finally here, with you, and all that I can think is how much of an asshole I was to the rest of the group…"

"Hey, hey, shhhh…" He said, hugging her face to his chest. She began to calm herself, slowly breathing on his abs.

"Don't worry Annie, the group will understand…" He began to say before frowning, "Of course, they will do it if we are not lynched by an angry mob armed with stakes and silver bullets first."

She swatted at his chest. A loud crack was heard.

"Ouch, Annie, you've just broke some of my ribs…"

"Oh, don't be such a baby, I've done you worst things tonight…"

They stayed in silence for some time, Annie still breathing on his chest, her overpowered hearing carefully listening to his faint heartbeat.

"Jeff…" she raised her eyes to look at him, "… What happens now?"

"Well…" He began, smiling at her, "Now I say to go to our respective homes, take a shower and try to justify ourselves to our friends…"

"Oh…" Annie deflated.

"… Then I say that tomorrow night I'm going get you around 8 PM and bring you to a fancy restaurant, maybe one provided with many kinds of meat."

"Oh, I don't know, Jeff, maybe I'm not ready enough for a relationship." She said with a teasing tone.

He looked at her with an incredulous face, "Are you kidding me?"

She smirked at him.

"It's official, Woman is evil."

She laughed, "You seemed pretty evil before too."

"Annie…" He said, gesturing to his body, "… I'm hands down the most handsome and badass vampire of history, of course I'm evil."

She winced, noticing now something on his body "Jeff, promise me not to get angry."

He looked confused, "Don't get angry at what?"

"Just promise me."

"Okay, I will not get angry."

"Good. Now, do you remember when, at the beginning of our… intercourse, I bitted you on the shoulder?"

"Annie, you basically trashed my body tonight, I cannot remember of a single bite…"

"Yeah, but, you see, all the other wounds had regenerated, while this one…" She trailed off.

Jeff casted his gaze down on his right shoulder, the silvery scar of a bite shining on it.

He took a deep breath.

"Annie…"

"You promised me not to get angry."

"I'm not angry, Annie, it's just that…" He casted his gaze down on her neck, smirking, "… I didn't knew how to get even with you."

She put a hand on her neck, feeling two hollow holes where Jeff took his first bite of her flesh.

She smirked at him, "It appears I've been branded as property of Jeff Winger."

He smirked back, "And it appears I've been branded back as property of Annie Edison."

"Well, don't get used to it, I'm not yet convinced by your request for a date." She said teasingly.

"Oh, yeah, I wonder what could make you change your mind…" He teased back.

She gave him a sly smile as he cupped her face, bringing it closer to his, "I believe we will find out soon enough, Milord."

* * *

END TAG

The Dean was sitting in his office, writing the report about that day fracas in the Study Room F.

Jeffrey had been adamant, it was clearly all Chang's fault. And when a very naked, very sweaty Jeffrey Winger tells you that the fault lies on an Evil Asian leader of an army of mid-schoolers, who was him to dean-y it in front of the authorities.

He heard the door of his wardrobe open. He turned toward it, finding himself face to face with… Himself.

"Hello." His double said, shooting at him with a tranquillizer gun, sending him to sleep.

He made his usual dream about Jeff being the coach of the water polo team and him his assistant.


	2. Reaping 101

**A N: I don't own community. Deal with it.**

**A N 2: But how much cute-yet-awesome was 5x05? I felt 1000 years younger just by watching it.**

Britta hated her job.

* * *

_After their expulsion from Greendale because of their very loud, very destructive sex and the restraining order put on them by the now mysteriously avoiding Dean, Jeff and Annie had reclosed themselves on Jeff's apartment, coming out only for the few group meetings held out of Greendale at apartment 303 and, as Abed's creepy-yet-convenient cameras around the city revealed her, to go to always a different restaurant once a week._

_She didn't know where the hell they got all that money, being both of them jobless, but, humph, whatever…_

_The now 5 members of the study group had so tried to pass the Biology Final without their two friends._

_"Tried" being the keyword here._

_Because after some time, their Yam got smashed by an unknown assailant, professor Kane giving all of them a passing C for their efforts._

_And then Starburns died in a car crash, which then caused his meth lab to explode, making his body disappear._

_And then Professor Kane had resigned because of Starburns death, forcing them to retake the class in summer school._

_And then the Dean refused Britta's idea to host a Starburns memorial service who she was sure would have soothed the group hidden-but-evident sorrows. He didn't even show up to do it in person. The coward!_

_And then Chang's thought police had entered the cafeteria and forced them to bend and spread._

_Oh, yeah, Chang had also been promoted as Greendale's first Illuminate Leader, instituting a reign of terror through the employ of his army of preteen minions._

_Did she forget to mention that?_

_Still, she had rightly refused to do so._

_So Joshua, their leader, ordered to arrest her and bring her to the "Interrogation Chambers."_

_It sounds less creepy then it was._

_So Troy had jumped in to defend her, which she would have found sweet if she wasn't against those kind of gender roles._

_She still found it sweet, through._

_Then Abed jumped in to defend a crying Troy._

_Then Shirley jumped in too, her Mama Bear (Damn, she should spend less time with Abed!) instincts setting in._

_Then Pierce jumped in to not be left alone._

_Things escalated pretty quickly._

_In less than an hour, they had started a riot of massive proportions, the Chang-lorious Basterds being overwhelmed pretty quickly by the army of angry students._

_And that's when the police entered the scene._

_After an awkward call to Jeff and Annie to bail them out, they exited the police station, free, but now them too expelled by the school._

_At least they still had each others._

_What Britta didn't have, however, were the money for her rent. Or for her food. Or for her cats many expansive surgeries._

_She so began to search for a part-time job._

_She found it almost a month ago. It seemed perfect, with flexible hours, a lot of people interactions and, most important of all, a good pay._

_Her job interview went well, as the interviewer seemed to like her._

_He was…_

_He looked like…_

_He seemed…_

_Britta couldn't quite remember him. She was sure that he was skinny, almost skeletal, and that he had a deep, gravelly voice, which crept the hell out of her._

_She got the job, and when she asked him why he had choose her, he had simply said:_

_BECAUSE I SEE POTENTIAL IN YOU. AND ALSO, BECAUSE YOU LIKE CATS._

_The memory of that voice still made her shiver at night._

_She quickly firmed the contract, without even thinking to read it._

_She was sure that the Jeff Winger inside of her was now shaking his head in disappointment._

* * *

She sighed as she stormed through the hospital's corridors, unnoticed by the nurses and the doctor passing by.

She was holding a parchment in his hands, on it a name, a date, a place and an hour.

Behind it, an instruction.

_Wait._

* * *

_The funny fact was that she didn't remember WHY she had applied for that job._

_Or what the job was in the first place._

_She just remembered a sudden attraction towards it._

_She actually remembered for what she had applied once she signed that damn contract._

_Then, it was too late to do anything._

_She could just rant about it._

* * *

She approached one of the rooms, in the lone bed inside was laying an old man, no one near him.

She entered the room.

"Ehm, Leonard Rodriguez?" She asked hesitantly.

The man blew a raspberry at her.

She winced.

"_It's him_", she thought as she approached the bed.

She glanced at her watch. It was almost time.

"So, I believe that this is new for you…" She began to say, trying to lighten the mood and cheer up Leonard, "… But think of it as a voyage to a new home, filled with flowers, sun and all your familiars and friends!"

She looked around the empty room.

"Speaking of which, where are everybody? I knew you kind of have two sons and four grandchildren, why aren't them at your deathbed."

Leonard sighed, "They never wanted to have anything to do with me."

"Oh…" Britta began to say, saddened, "… I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be…" He said, with a faint smile, "… You said it before, it's just like a voyage…" He casted a faraway glance at the window, "… A long, beautiful voyage…" He sighed again, "… I just hope that they all will forgive me, you know, after…"

A single tear was produced by Britta's left eye.

She glanced at her watch. Ten seconds.

He chuckled, "… Weird, I feel… sleepy… it usually never…" And he slowly closed his eyes.

It was time for the second part of her job.

She hated that part, she hated it with all of her atheist might.

Leonard's Ethereal Form appeared next to her.

"So, what's now…?"

"Now…" A big, leather covered book appeared in her hands, "… we need to discuss about your new… existence arrangements…"

She opened the book.

"There is anything that involves macaroni and white women in there?" He asked with a serious tone.

"We see what we can do…"

* * *

_She was a Grim Reaper._

_She could walk through walls, have the power to teleport near his "Job" and not be seen by normal people._

_This being Greendale, she could be seen by almost everyone she knew._

_Her work clothes were also perceived as her usual outfits when she was outside of work._

_Which was a good thing since she couldn't take them off._

_Every day, she had to go to the place signed on her scroll, follow the instructions behind it and then judge an afterlife for the newly dead._

_The fact was, thought, that she had always believed in the freedom of choice._

_That meant discussing with her "Clients" about their most comfortable final resting place, happy to have helped someone even in their final hours._

_Taking exception for murderers. And rapist. And animal-bashers. And rich capitalists. And evil jags in general._

_For them, she was Judge, Jury and Executioner._

* * *

Britta closed her book.

"Are you sure about this?" She checked.

"Hell, yeah!" Leonard agreed.

"Because I must tell you that, after this, there's no coming back…"

"Don't care. Now, give me my afterlife!"

She sighed, "Fine."

And Leonard was no more.

* * *

_She had tried to miss the call, or to warn them, at the beginning._

_But every time she had tried to save them, things always got worst._

_Every time she had tried to avoid her duty, her work clothes burnt on her skin every wasted second._

_She had tried everything, but her robe was glued to her skin, the scroll was indestructible, and the contract was nowhere to be found._

_And to top it all, she couldn't resign till the end of her mandate._

_Hell surely had a weird conception of part-time job._

* * *

She entered Apartment 303 for a Study Group meeting.

Everybody was staring at her from their sits.

"What…?"

"Britta…" Annie began cautiously, "There is anything you need to tell us?"

She froze on the spot.

"Annie, if is because of your condition, I'm…"

"No, no, don't worry, it's not because of the werewolf curse…" She hastily interrupted her.

"Talk for you…" Troy somberly muttered.

"Britta…" Shirley said with concern, "… We're preoccupied about your… health."

"Guys, what's wrong?" She asked preoccupied.

"Nothing?"

"What are you talking about?"

"There's nothing wrong, sweetie."

"Your tastes are wrong, Brittles."

"W-wrong? You guys said there wasn't anything wrong!"

"Their worried because my hidden cameras captured you going in and out of various hospital several times."

"Abed…" Annie reprimanded him, "… We had decided to be gentle with her…" She side-whispered to him, turning then toward Britta, "… Ehm, you're sure that nothing had happened to you?"

She stared at her. Then at the group. Her family. They deserved to know.

She sighed, "Okay, I tell you what's happening, but you promise me to not freak out."

They promised.

She told them.

They freaked out.

* * *

_One of her clients had tried to defend himself, once._

_He was a lieutenant colonel. He shot her thrice with his gun. All the bullets hit her._

_She hadn't felt a thing. She had turned behind._

_The wall behind her had three bullet holes._

_That was the day she had realized that she was immortal._

_Shirley's Inexistent God only knows until when._

* * *

END TAG

Jeff and Annie were lying on Jeff's bed, both soundly asleep.

One of his cabinet's doors slowly creaked open.

"BABA BOOIE! BABA BOOIE! BABA BOOIE!"

Jeff and Annie jerked awake as the black shadow jumped out of Jeff's closet.

"Shut up, Leonard. We both need our beauty sleep, go do your Bogeyman's crap somewhere else." Annie remarked with a sleepy tone.

"You will miss me." Leonard said before disappearing in a puff of purple smoke.

Jeff stared at her.

"What?"

He began to grin like an idiot.


	3. Studies in Inspectors and Gadgets

**A N: I don't own Community.**

**A N 2: MY LEGION OF SKELETAL SOLDIERS IS AT THE DOOR OF YOUR HOMES, COMMUNITY'S WRITERS! GIVE US AT LEAST AN HOOK-UP BETWEEN JEFF AND ANNIE THIS SEASON AND WE WILL NOT BEGIN THE INVASION! TO PROVE YOU WE DON'T JOKE, WE WILL BEGIN TO DECIMATE THE DWARF POPULATION IN YOUR LAWN! ARCHERS, FIRE AT WILL!**

**A N 3: Yup, I'm insane.**

After Abed last attempt to violate the restriction orders and investigate about Dean Pelton's strange behavior, he had been forced to see a psychiatrist to avoid the Dean pressing charges.

The group was eager to accompany him.

Dr. Heidi scribbled something on his notebook as the seven members of the study group were all staring at him like a pack of hungry wolves would stare at a fat rabbit.

He looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"Abed, I'm Doctor Heidi. We're going to have a little chat tonight, you and I. How does that sound?"

"I don't need therapy." Abed said with a detached tone.

"Well, that's a perfectly normal response…" He began to say as he scribbled something on his notebook.

"I concur with Doctor Heidi diagnosis." Britta said from her sit near the doctor, holding a scroll and a pen in her hands.

"I… haven't diagnosed anything yet." Dr. Heidi said, a little unnerved by the black-robed woman.

"Signature, cut your back, bro…" She offered a fist-bump to him.

He politely refused it, still uncomfortable under the group's stares, "I have to say, I didn't expect to see so many of you…" He said, his gaze shifting on each person inside the room.

"Abed won't go to any kind of doctor on his own, we caught him last year trying to remove his own tonsils." Jeff informed him from his sit.

"Well, why don't you let me take it from here…?" The doctor said, trying to focusing only on Abed.

"See, there's something you don't understand about Abed…" Troy interrupted the doctor from his sit near Abed, "… He is usually adorable weird, like Mork from Ork. But since Jeff and Annie got expelled he's been creepy weird, like present-day Robin Williams."

"And why has the expulsion of his two friends has caused such a change in him?" The doctor asked, scribbling something on his notebook.

Jeff stiffened, "Abed, there is no need to explain…"

"Because their turning into two undead monsters has generated a chain reaction that shifted the main theme of this Timeline from "Whacky Comedy" toward more of a "Supernatural" vibe" Abed answered matter-of-factly.

Troy stared at his friend in horror.

Annie frowned, pinching her nose with her fingers.

Shirley glared at him.

Pierce seemed to look confused by the revelation.

Jeff sighed, turning towards the Doctor to try to explain his friend statement.

Britta talked first.

"Abed, what have we said about giving names to the differently alive?" she chastised him.

The doctor gaped at her, "Sorry, miss…"

"Perry."

"Miss Perry, are you telling me that you believe that your friends are… monsters?" He asked, confused by the sudden turn of events.

"Well, Duh-Doy! Haven't you read the report about their expulsion?"

The doctor shifted uncomfortably in his chair, "Well…"

"He couldn't…" Abed interrupted him, "… I've personally deleted all memories and files about the event from any mechanical database. To the outside world, they've been expelled with us."

His friends gaped at him, "That's the reason because you borrowed my laptop?" Annie asked, outraged, "You've just made me an accomplice of your dastardly crime! How dare you?!"

"I did it to maintain the masquerade…" Abed responded, unaffected by his friend outburst, "… Also, it's not like you use it so much now that you're living with Jeff."

"I'm not living with him, I'm still technically your roommate…" Annie muttered.

Jeff seemed taken aback by that.

"Oh, please, like we didn't know about you two living in sin since the day of your expulsion…" Shirley judgmentally chimed in.

"Yeah, but…" She dropped her voice, side-whispering to Shirley "… I don't want to force my presence on him. So that the day he will want me out of his life, I will still have a place to go."

"Annie…" Jeff said, blessing his overpowered hearing, "… I would never want you out of my life."

She frowned, "… You say that now, but…"

"Annie, I know that I'm not exactly the poster guy for a solid relationship, I know you are scared shitless by this whole situation, and I am too, but…" He looked pleadingly at her, "… I cannot think of another woman with whom I would want to face this, if not with you…"

She gave him a soft smile

"Okay…" Dr. Heidi said to catch anyone attention, "… Let's all backtrack and return to the main issue here. Abed, why do you think of your friends as undead monsters?"

"I'm not crazy."

"I know, Abed, but such statements are usually proof of some kind of mental sickness…"

"Wait a minute…" Britta interrupted him, "… Nobody in this room get's to define "Sick""

"I do…" Dr. Heidi said with a proud tone, "… I'm a psychiatrist. Any kind of doctor can, really…"

"Well, no, they can't…" Britta retorted, "… You cannot define someone sick because of statements that have visible proof before your eyes. That's arbitrary skepticism."

Her friends stared at her.

"What?"

"Nothing, is just…" Jeff shook his head, "… That almost made sense."

Britta beamed, "Thank you!" She deflated, "N-not that I need the approval of a man to know it…"

"Well, Miss Perry, I don't see your so-called proof, so…" He said, scribbling down something on his notebook, "… I think that I've heard anything I need to hear to make a decision, and I'm afraid that…"

"Before you say anything…" Abed began, interrupting once again the doctor, "… I need to make a confession to my friends that I believe will make you change your mind."

"Oh, okay, go on…" Dr. Heidi said encouragingly.

"Guys, I'm not been completely honest with you. Did you remember when I said that Jeff and Annie were the first dominoes that needed to fall…?"

His friends agreed, puzzled by his question.

"… That's not true. I was the first Domino."

"Abed, what are you talking about?" The doctor asked him.

"Doctor Heidi, Way before some of my friends became what they've became, I've built a room of wonders called the Dreamatorium…" He began to explain to the perplexed doctor, "… During our housewarming party, Pierce was sent to get the Pizza because of a number coming out from a dice. Thus creating Timeline 3, this timeline…"

"Abed, there are not such things as different timelines…" Dr. Heidi said before Jeff could say any retort.

"But you see, the Dreamatorium permit me to communicate to each different timeline…" Abed kept saying, ignoring the doctor, "… So, one night I thought to… experiment with it…"

A loud thunder was heard.

Abed raised an eyebrow, "… And so I've met Abed 4 and Abed 5. And we conceived a plan…"

"Ehm, Abed, I don't see how this could change my mind about your institutionalization…" The doctor said, sweating under the man's gaze.

"… Our timelines are AUS, they don't exist in the proper sense of existing, so we decided that, if we had to live in an unreal world, we can at least make it cooler..."

"Abed…" Troy asked, worried by his friend, "… Are you saying that…"

"Yes Troy, we used the power of our three combined Dreamatoriums to generate the Genre Shift first in this timeline, and then in the others. All the others."

His friends stared at him in horror.

Jeff scoffed, "Come' on, Abed, your play room cannot have created…"

"Yes, Jeff, the Dreamatorium wasn't the only responsible of the genre shift…" Abed continued in his explanation, "… To stabilize his effects, the three Abeds needed to begin the chain reaction, sacrificing their Dreamatorium, channeling his powers into something else..."

"But, the Dreamatorium is still there, Abed…"

"That's not the Dreamatorium, Troy, that's just a room…" Abed said, still staring at the doctor, now visibly uncomfortable, "… The truth is that, after that night, I've become the Dreamatorium."

Another thunder.

His friends stared at him dumbstruck.

"What…?" Dr. Heidi asked confused.

"Indeed, Dr. Heidi. But my fragile human body couldn't survive all that raw imagination…" He said, standing up, "… So I needed to… upgrade myself."

Annie stared at him, shocked, "Abed, when you say that you've "Upgraded Yourself", you mean…"

"I mean that I've committed brain surgery on myself, extracted my brain and placed it inside this android. Hi, I'm Abed 3.19; would you like to play chess with me?"

Dr. Heidi uncomfortably chuckled, "Now, Abed, you don't expect me to believe that…"

"Go Go Abed Finger-Guns" Abed said while doing his finger guns motion toward a pot of flowers.

It exploded.

Dr. Heidi stared at it, shocked.

"Well, I think it's enough for today…" He almost shrieked.

"Why, doctor, we've just began our session." Abed said, advancing toward the doctor.

"Abed…" Troy put a hand on Abed's shoulder, "… Let's go home."

He stared at him, "Cool."

They hastily leaved the room as the stunned Dr. Heidi was still staring at the destroyed flower pot.

"Oh, yeah, almost forgot…" Abed said, returning to the doctor, "Go Go Abed Neuralyzer." He said, a bright, red light coming out of his eyes.

* * *

END TAG

Dr. Heidi woke up with no memories of the past 24 hours.

He looked around the room.

A blonde, black robbed woman was sitting on one of the chairs.

"W-who are you?" He asked, a little crept out by the woman, "What are you doing here?!"

The woman stared at him, "Waiting."

The man opened his mouth to say something.

And that's when the bomb placed by Chang exploded, leaving nothing of the room.

Nothing, except for the blonde woman and Dr. Heidi's soul.

The woman eagerly approached him, "Great, now, from a fellow psychologist to another one, do you mind give me some tips about your profession..."

A notebook and a pen materialized in her hands.

"… So, tell me about this Pablo guy and his experiments with dogs and bells…"


	4. Seminaries in Ghost Stories

**A N: I Own Not, The Truth Is.**

**A N 2: Ooooooookay, let's just say that "Questology 101" has been putted on an indefinite hiatus. Sooner or later I will get ideas on how to end the Fill… Ehm, the flashback. Sooner or later. Probably next week. Probably.**

Chang angrily smashed is phone against the wall.

"DAMN IT!" He yelled, "The bomb didn't work! You said that your plan was flawless!"

"Don't worry…" A rugged man in a cowboy hat said "… Those freaks are soon to be dead. Or soon to be deader." He chuckled.

The young guards gave him an estranged look.

"You were supposed to laugh." The man said, pointing his shotgun at one of the children and shooting at his head.

The body fell, lifeless.

The other guards stared at it in horror.

Chang sighed, "Megan, call one of the janitors, we need to dispose of a body…" He gave the man a hard look, "… Again."

"Look, it's not my fault if those brats have no sense of humor…"

"Yeah, yeah…" He dismissed him with an hand-wave, "… Just, next time, do it when you're not in my office…" He grabbed a martini glass, taking a sip from it, "… So, Mr. Rider, what's your next move?"

"I believe it's time for those lunatics to learn that there's a new sheriff in town…" He said, raising from his sit and approaching the door, "… I will get the appropriate gear to my associate, and then I will show them all the power of the "Rider & Stephenson Monster Hunters Society"…" He stopped, turning his head towards Chang, "… For the right price, obviously…"

"For the right price." Chang repeated with a grin.

The Black Rider leaved the room.

Chang's smile dropped. He pressed a button on his interphone.

"Master, are you sure that hiring that…"

"Of course, maggot!" A voice coming from his interphone yelled, "He proved himself quite useful when I hired him last year for that stupid paintball competition…" The man was interrupted by some piercing screams of agony, "… Oh, come' on, Pelton, I've always believed that you liked Dalmatians…" The man began to evilly laugh, Chang following him soon.

The young guards in the room gave their master a terrorized look.

* * *

The doorbell of apartment 303 rang, inside it Abed, Troy, Britta and Pierce.

Britta went opening the door, Jeff and Annie on the other side.

Britta and Annie greeted each other with an hug, quickly coming inside the apartment.

"A-hem!" Jeff, still on the other side of the door, caught their attention, "Would you possibly like to invite me in?"

Britta gave him a weird look.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, Abed, invite Jeff in!" Annie said, giving her boyfriend an apologetic look

"Jeff, come in!" Abed yelled from the kitchen.

Jeff let out a breath, stepping inside the apartment.

"What was that?" Britta asked, bewildered by the whole situation.

"Oh, yeah, vampires cannot come in private houses if they're not invited first by one of his inhabitants…" Annie explained to Britta.

"But… he never needed to do it before…"

"Well, Duh-Doy!" Jeff interrupted her, hugging Annie with an arm, "My awesome werewolf girlfriend lived here before, she could "invite me in" any time." He smirked at her.

She blushed.

"And after the new episode of the Soap-Opera that is Jeff's and Annie's new life…" Britta mocked them, sitting on one of the chairs of the table, "… Let's begin with one of our most classic series, "The Geeky Zone"!"

Troy closed his phone, sitting next to Britta, "Shirley couldn't come. Baby Ben is sick, and she doesn't trust her sister enough to babysit him."

Britta's scroll appeared in his hands. She gave it just a glance before putting it in her pocket, for now ignoring the call.

"Cool…" Abed said from his sit, "… Now, before we start…"

There was a knock at the door.

Pierce looked around, confused, "… Did someone of you order Pizzas?"

The door blasted open, the Black Rider coming out from it, a shotgun in his left hand.

"Knock Knock."

He aimed his gun towards Annie.

Jeff was charging at him before anyone could realize what was happening.

He tackled him, pinning him against the wall, his shotgun dropped.

"Why are you attacking us?!" He yelled, his fangs ready to bite.

"Nothing personal, bloodsucker, it's just business." He said with a calm tone, breathing against Jeff.

His strength abandoned him, making him kneel to the ground, his head fuzzy.

"W-what… was that…?" Jeff asked, almost chocking.

"Garlic Breath, a vampire hunter's best friend…" He said, smashing his face with a punch. He was wearing silver knuckles.

"JEFF!" Annie yelled, coming by his side, examining his head. She looked up at the intruder, eyes quickly turning yellow.

"Hey, easy there, Doggy Girl…" He said, grabbing his shotgun, "… This thing is charged with silver. One shot, and you're just bones in the moonlight."

"Don't… you dare…" Jeff sputtered from his lying position.

"And what you're going to do if I dare?" The Black Rider said, looking at them, "… I know what you are, I know all you weaknesses, and I know that, as for right now, my primal targets are the werewolf and the vampire…" He said, aiming his shotgun at Jeff, "… But not for too long…"

"Go Go Abed Super Magnet!" Abed yelled, a cartoonish magnet held by a mechanical arm coming out of his head and attracting The Rider's Shotgun.

He stared at it in bewilderment, "You son of a…"

And that's when Pierce, unnoticed by anyone in the room, smashed his chair against him, making him fall.

"YOU VIOLATE MY FRIENDS' HOUSE!" He gave him a kick in the guts, "YOU ALMOST BEAT ONE OF THEM INTO UNCONSCIUSNESS!" He gave him another kick, this time on the head. One of his teeth flew away. "ANT TO TOP IT ALL, YOU THREATEN MY FAVOURITE!?" He gave him a third kick, this time on the balls, "HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU?!"

"Annie…" Jeff whispered to her, "… Next time I will mock Pierce in any way, please, remind me of this scene."

The Black Rider grabbed a syringe from under his coat, planning it in Pierce's leg.

Pierce yelled, falling on the ground.

"PIERCE!"

"Old foul…" The Rider said, coughing blood, "… I had to waste a dose of silverfish venom for him."

He tried to rise from the ground before being stopped by Abed's extendable hands, which pinned him against the floor.

Abed came closer to him.

The Black Rider laughed blood, "I can resist any tortures, you will never make me talk…"

Abed stared at him, "There will be no need to talk…"

He opened his mouth, spitting a medium-sized silvery thing against the Rider's mouth. The thing entered in it without problems.

"This is a Cyber-Mite…" Abed explained to the now very pained man, "… I know, it comes from that stupid rip-off but, you know…" He let the Black Rider go, "… Life is unfair."

The man breathed his last breath as the Cyber-Mite exited from him opening an hole through his chest, reentering inside Abed's mouth.

Abed eyes began to show green, binary codes.

As Abed was elaborating, the rest of the study group came near Pierce's body, now lying lifeless on the apartment ground.

Annie was crying against the old man chest.

Jeff, his super regeneration being slowed down by garlic and silver wounds, was putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, a small, solitary tear coming out of his left eye.

Troy too was sobbing near his body, but with no comforting hand on his shoulder. He briefly turned.

Britta was standing still, her gaze fixed on her scroll. On it the name Pierce Hawthorne was written, behind it an instruction.

_Do not interfere._

Tears began to fill Britta's eyes.

"Stop being gay, I'm not dead yet!" Pierce's soul yelled from near Britta.

Annie, Jeff, Troy and Britta turned to stare at him.

"Pierce?"

"Pierce!"

"PIERCE!"

Annie jumped from her weeping place and bolted toward him.

She passed right through it, smashing against the table.

Pierce turned toward her, "Sorry, Annie, didn't want to hurt you."

"It's not important…" She said, beaming at him from the ground, happy tears washing away the sad ones, "… You're still with us."

"And I will never leave!" He said with a proud tone.

Jeff grunted.

"Shut up, forehead, I saw how much you were expressing your sick gay love for me before…" He remarked, causing Jeff to grunt again.

He made a small smile, through.

Pierce turned toward Britta, "And as I said before, "Is that you death?""

Britta gave a small laugh, "This time yes…" The book appeared in her hands, "So, we need to discuss about what comes next…"

"There's no need, Brittles…" He said while making an hand-wave, "… I've already got the perfect afterlife in mind."

* * *

END TAG

"Are you ready?" Leonard asked at Pierce.

"I'm dead ready." Pierce answered him.

They both turned to their invisible forms, entering the pool's female lockers.

The screams of terrors filled the air only some hours after this event.


	5. Universe Mythology and Wham Lines

**A N: I don't own Community.**

**A N 2: WARNING: Hey, it's not my fault if Vampire Jeff and Werewolf Annie have a weird sexual life, Okay?!**

"So…" Troy said from his bench in the common cell, "… What do we do now?"

After both the murders of the Black Rider and Pierce ensued by their previous fight had prompted the neighbors to call the police, the six friends had been arrested by officer Cackowski for their possible implications in the two men death.

The five still corporeal friends were no sitting on a common cell with a visibly drunken woman, lying on a bench on the wall facing the door, her jacket covering his face.

Pierce was nowhere to be found.

"That's ridiculous!" Britta yelled from her place near Troy, outraged, "They don't have the rights to keep us here!"

"They have, Britta…" Jeff sighed from the bench across her, his arm around Annie's shoulder, "… Two men are dead, and we are the only witnesses of what happened…"

"Only one of them is dead…" Abed said from his place near Troy, emotionless, "… And that's Pierce. Despite what could have appeared, the Black Rider's soul is still entrapped in his body, making him technically an undead."

"What?" Britta asked, shocked, "Why… How… WHAT?!"

"Abed…" Annie began with a cautious tone, "… What do you mean?"

"Through the Cyber-Mite, I've captured the Rider's soul and I've trapped it inside his heart. He is technically still conscious, even during the autopsy that is probably happening… Right…" He stopped looking at his watchless wrist, "… Now."

Britta gaped, "Just… Why?"

"I needed a guinea pig for the procedure…" He said, unfazed.

His friends stared at him.

He looked at them, confused.

"Sorry, I don't get it, are you angry or hungry?"

"You've made another human's being life…" "… Unlife…" "… Whatever, a living hell, of course we're angry!" Annie said with an outraged tone.

"Well, in your case, Annie, is probably both…" Jeff said with a teasing tone.

She swatted at his chest.

A loud crack was heard.

"Ouch, that hurt!" He said placing an arm on his chest.

"Oh, shut up…" Annie muttered, pouting.

"Sorry, Jeff, I couldn't help notice…" Britta began with an high tone, hers and Troy's eyes bugged out, "… But I kind of… like of… just heard your ribs braking…"

"Oh, that! Yeah, don't worry, they grow back…" Jeff said with a relaxed tone.

"No they don't…" Abed whispered in Troy's hear with a faux German accent.

"Actually, Abed, Ribs grow back…" Annie slowly explained, "… It's just that his grows back at a… faster rate…"

"Tell them the truth, baby…" Jeff smugly said, his arm leaving Annie's shoulder as he placed both his hands behind his head, leaning his back on the wall behind, "… I'm freaking Wolverine."

"Who's Wolverine, aren't you talking about that X-Man guy?" Britta asked, puzzled.

The guys stared at her in disgust.

"What?"

"Britta, even I know who Wolverine is…" Annie carefully said, her eyes bugged out at her.

"Well, excuse me if I don't…" Britta said, her voice becoming smaller and smaller as she slumped on her sit.

Troy sighed, "Don't worry, Britta, it's…" He flinched, "… It's not important…"

She cheered a little at that.

"Anyway…" Abed said, a weird look given at his nearby friends, "… Jeff's not Wolverine…"

"Oh, come' on, Abed…" Jeff complained, "… I'm a badass, and I've got super regenerative powers, of course I'm Wolverine…"

"No, Jeff…" Abed said, his left eye slightly twitching, "… You're not Wolverine. Your bones are not made in Adamantium, and you have to submit to the Classical Vampire rules. This means that you cannot enter an habitation when not invited, You're blinded by the sun and other holly symbols…"

"… You cannot pass waterways…" Annie chimed in.

"… Garlic asphyxiates you…" Troy joined them.

"… Holly water and Silver burns you…" Abed continued with his still detached tone.

"… You have to drink the blood of a virgin every night in order to survive…" Annie said, slightly blushing.

"… You can turn into a bat…" Troy said in childlike amazement.

"… Or a wolf…" Annie continued Troy's sentence.

"… Or mist…" Abed continued Annie's sentence.

"… You can control the minds of animals and lesser individuals…" Annie continued.

"… You have to sparkle in direct sunlight!" Britta joined them in their Jeff's status bashing.

They stared at her.

Jeff grunted, "You're the worst, Britta."

"Returning to our previous argument…" Abed said, another crazed look directed at Britta, "… You're clearly not Wolverine, Jeff. We can state that, if someone of us can be considered Wolverine, Annie is."

Jeff and Annie gasped, "Sorry?"

"… Because, while Annie's werewolf bones are the nearest thing to Adamantium in this world..."

"How the hell can they be Adamantium, Abed? I've personally seen them bend in very sexy and unnatural ways…" Jeff began to say before being smacked on the chest by a blushing Annie.

"… She also has gained Jeff's super regeneration for the Vampire meat she usually eats, the only things that can stop it being Silver. Silver is also the only thing that…"

"Wait, wait, wait…" Britta said, stopping Abed, "What do you mean for "The Vampire meat she usually eats", Abed…?" She made a disgusted face, "… And thank god Pierce's not here…"

Jeff and Annie guiltily casted their gazes down.

Britta gasped, feeling sick, "Oh. My. God. Annie, that's sick!"

"What's sick…?!" Troy asked, confused.

"She eats his flesh in order to have his Wombat Skills of whatever that guy is called…" She stuck out her tongue, trying not to vomit, "… And it sounded worst than I thought!"

Realization hit Troy.

His eyes bugged out.

"O MY GOD, I NEED SOME BRAIN BLEACH! I NEED SOME BRAIN BLEACH NOW!"

"Britta, we've already established that I cannot…" Jeff tried to explain before being interrupted by a still revolted Britta.

"And you shut up, you walking undead buffet!" Britta yelled, a finger accusingly pointed at him.

"THANK GOD SHIRLEY'S NOT HERE…" Troy shrieked, crying while rocking back and forth on his sit, "… THANK GOD SHIRLEY'S NOT HERE!"

"Hey!" Annie said, outraged, "It's not like it's not consensual!"

"Yeah, I don't see anything wrong in it…" Jeff nonchalantly said.

"You don't see anything…" Britta trailed off, shocked, "… Jeff, SHE'S CANNIBALIZING YOU! IT'S SICK AND WRONG!"

"Well, she needs it in order to survive!" Jeff snapped, smashing a fist on his leg, "And she gives me her blood for that, so we're even!"

Color drained from Troy's and Britta's faces.

"You mean that, while she eats you, you…"

"Yup." Jeff said like it was not big deal.

Troy desperately wished himself somewhere else.

Britta gaped in horror.

"Wait…" Abed said, his only reaction to the conversation being a faint green coloring of his cheeks, "… My Vampire's Database said that you need virgin blood every night if you don't want to succumb to the thirst, and Annie is clearly not a virgin…"

Jeff and Annie both gave an edgy laugh.

"You see, the funny thing with werewolf mixed with vampire regeneration is that it kind of… sort of…" Jeff began with a nervous tone, "… Regenerate her hymen when not used…" He finished, his face now in his hands.

Britta and Troy stared at them.

"Yeah…" Annie began before being interrupted by Britta's hand-wave.

"We've never had this conversation…" Britta began, trying to contain herself, "… And we will no more talk about it."

Jeff and Annie looked relieved.

The woman on the bench made a drunken laugh, falling to the ground.

The jacket fell from her face.

She was Shirley.

"Shirley!" Annie exclaimed, coming near her, "What are you doing here."

She began to laugh.

The laugh soon turned sobs.

"He's dead…" She said, tightly hugging Annie.

"Shirley, don't worry, Pierce is not…" Annie began before being interrupted by a wail of the older woman.

"Not Pierce." She said, between sobs, "Andre… Andre is dead…"

* * *

END TAG

The Quendra with a Q entered the abandoned warehouse.

"Paradox, Paradox!" She shout whispered around, "Come here, you idiot!"

"I agree to disagree…" The hobo said from somewhere behind her.

Quendra jumped, startled, and turned to the man near the Desk.

"Finally…" She said, quickly coming closer to him, "… You can really do it? What you said…"

"Maybe…" The hobo said, an hand on the Desk, "… But you're sure about it? You really want to become my companion…"

She beamed, "Hell yeah!"

"Then let's go!" He cheered, opening a drawer of the desk, "Because there are so many timelines out there, and…"

Paradox and Quendra stayed still as the small cyber-mites injected amnesiacs in their body.

They fell asleep on the ground.

The Black Rider, now Half-Cyberman-Half-Voodoo-Zombie, entered the warehouse, took the Time Desk on his shoulders, and began dragging it to his new master's home.

His programming made him smugly smile to himself.


	6. Slaying 101

**A N: I'm running out of clever ways to say that I don't own Community.**

**A N 2: Happy Anti Valentine's Day Eve! Or whatever day I chose to post this! And what better way to celebrate your significant other than reading Fanfics about revenge and death, am I right? Am I right?**

**A N 3: Gods, I love to be an awful person.**

Andre funeral was running smoothly.

The body didn't yet awake in the form of a Zombie.

No one of the Study Group was yet turned into anything else.

The Bennett boys were, understandably, still crying.

The coffin didn't comically fall on the feet of anyone.

As things go, it was the perfect funeral.

The only problem was that widow, her Drunk and Disorderly charges made disappear by the help of a certain fake lawyer, was nowhere to be found.

"Where is she?" Annie hurriedly whispered to Britta, the last one of the study group who had seen her.

"I don't know!" She whispered back, earning some glares from the nearby people. She muttered an apology.

She rocked baby Ben on her lap, both trying to calm him down and to prevent Annie to take him away from her.

"She's probably overwhelmed…" Pierce ethereal form said from the empty seat with Shirley's purse on it, proof that the woman had been there at some point, "… I was when my second wife died…"

Annie and Britta awed at the man, gaining more glares.

They both casted their gazes to the ground, feeling guilty.

"They were expressing their solidarity, dicks!" Pierce yelled.

Most of the people in the row of sits in front of them turned, ready to shhhh him.

They saw only an empty sit with a purse in it.

They eyed it with a confused look before turning back at the ceremony.

Pierce snickered, "Buddha, I love being a ghost."

"Changing topic, where are Forehead and Abed?" Britta asked Annie, her voice a whisper.

"He couldn't be her, vampires cannot enter into churches." Abed said with a monotone voice from a sit near Troy.

His four friends screamed in surprise.

The whole church hushed them with a shhhh.

Troy, Britta and Annie casted their eyes down in shame.

"How the hell have you managed to do it, A-bed?" Pierce asked, surprised.

"I've upgraded the metal of my body to reflect light. I can turn invisible now." Abed explained in a whisper.

"Awesome!" Troy shout-whispered.

"Do you know where Shirley is?" Britta asked Abed while giving him Baby Ben to held, far away from Annie's grasp.

Annie pouted at the lack of trust of her friends in her.

Like she was about to eat him or stuff.

"She's…" Abed said before freezing.

They stared at him.

"Well, don't leave us hanging, she's what?" Britta prompted him.

Abed eyes bugged out, his gaze directed at the altar.

His friend followed it.

Mysti, the stripper who pushed Andre to commit infidelity, was reaching the altar, ready to give a speech about Andre.

Their jaws dropped.

"Thank God Shirley's not here…" Troy whispered, his eyes popped out.

Annie hummed in agreement.

"One, two, one, two, three…" Mysti tried the microphone with a loud tone.

Britta put her face in her hands.

"… There are many things that I can say about Andre, my boyfriend…" Mysti began, her tone cheeky.

A loud bang was heard.

Mysti's head exploded.

The presents were startled.

"What the…" Britta exclaimed, confused.

"Guys…" Annie began, her head turned behind her, "… I believe I found Shirley…"

Shirley was standing at the church's entrance, wearing black leather pants and jacket, the Black Rider's Shotgun in her hands.

"Turn the other cheek now, bitch!" She yelled, trembling with rage.

"Hey, I was making an heartfelt speech, you know?!" Mysti headless body yelled indignantly from the altar, swinging her hands around.

And then all hell broke loose.

Quite literally.

* * *

"DEMONS IN MY CHURCH?!" Shirley yelled, shooting at the possessed guests who were running blindly towards her, keeping them at bay.

"WHY DEMONS CAN ENTER IN CHURCHES AND VAMPIRES CANNOT?!" Annie yelled at Abed, trying to be louder of the continuous bangs coming from the winged… things storming outside as her and the rest of the group ran toward the altar.

"THEY MUST HAVE DISSACRETED THE CHURCH IN SOME WAY!" Abed yelled, still holding Baby Ben in his hands, "THAT, OR THE MITHOLOGY OF THIS WORLD IS REALLY FUCKED UP!"

Troy eyes bugged out.

"ABED, HAVE YOU JUST SWEARED?"

Abed's face gained a dumbfounded look, "I THINK SO."

"IT'S OFFICIAL, THE WORLD IS ENDING!" Britta yelled as they finally reached the end of the church.

A winged thing slammed itself against a window, entering the church.

"IN THE SACRESTY!" Shirley yelled, shoving them inside a door and closing it behind.

Bangs were heard from behind the door.

She fixed a paper sheet with some weird symbols in it on it.

The bangs stopped.

"This will keep them at bay for some minutes…" Shirley said, turning toward her friends, who were now staring at her.

"What?"

"Shirley…" Britta asked with a concerned tone, "… There is something you want to share with us?"

"You mean the fact that I'm a monster slayer now?" She asked with a confused voice.

"YOU'RE WHAT?!" four of her five friends yelled.

"Abed taught me how to do it" She explained, pointing at Abed.

His friends began staring at him.

Annie phone started playing _Gravity_.

She groaned without even glancing at the screen, "It's Jeff."

She left the group, reaching the far end of the small room and answering the call.

"Hel… No, no, I'm fine, don't worry…"

"Abed, why have you taught Shirley to be a cold blooded murderer…?" Britta asked Abed with a cold tone.

"… There's no need for you to come, we're managing just fine on our own…"

Annie winced as a feral scream came from out the door.

"She asked it to me." Abed answered with his usual emotionless tone.

Their gazes turned towards Shirley.

"… Look, Jeff, you know you would be useless here…"

"A demon killed Andre, I needed to know how to get my revenge…" Shirley said, the shotgun still in her hands.

"That doesn't give you the rights to kill people at your husband funeral!" Britta yelled, shocked.

"…It's because you're a vampire, Jeff, vampires cannot go into churches!"

"What I was supposed to do? My husband get killed by a demon and then that same demon starts giving a speech at his funeral, how you would have reacted?!" Shirley snapped.

"And what about your sons?" Troy asked with a concerned tone as he took Baby Ben away from Abed.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY DEMONS CAN AND VAMPIRES CANNOT, JEFF, I'M NOT A FUCKING DICTIONARY!"

"They're still with my sister, why?" Shirley asked, puzzled.

Troy gave Baby Ben a strange look, "Then who were the two boys sitting on the front row? WHO IS THIS CHILD?!"

"… Look, Jeff, I'm sorry if I yelled, it's just…" She sighed, "… It's just that time of the month already…"

"They're actually Doombots of my creation…" Abed explained with a monotone voice, "… I gave them as a present to Shirley, just in case she needed some suicide bombers…"

Troy hastily launched the Doombot Ben away from him.

It was promptly caught by Abed, who placed it on the ground.

Annie rolled her eyes, "… The supernatural kind, Jeff…"

"You mean that three bombs are now in a building filled with demons?" Pierce asked, confused.

Britta groaned, "And the best part is that this isn't actually the weirdest thing I ever heard since I know you guys…"

"… Yeah, yeah, I'll be careful I…" She briefly blushed, suspiciously looking around and dropping her voice, "… I love you too…"

She hastily ended the call.

"Make them explode, A-bed!" Pierce yelled, "It's our only way out!"

"The still normal people here wouldn't survive the blast, Pierce." Abed explained with a slow tone.

"I could teleport us all away, but I need a job right now to…" Britta began to excuse herself.

The Scroll appeared in Britta's hands.

"Oh…" She said, glancing at it, "… Convenient."

"Alright, let's get the hell out of here!" Shirley yelled, advancing toward them.

"You all need to grab me…" Britta said before being, quite literally, grabbed by her friends, "… Maybe not there, Annie!"

Annie blushed, "Sorry."

"What about me?" Pierce asked, offended for being left out. Again.

"You're a ghost, Pierce, pass through the door or something…" Troy hand-waved

Pierce scoffed, "Ghosts cannot pass thorough doors, they're not made of fire…"

Britta groaned, "Then pass through the wall, You can do that!"

Pierce huffed as he passed through the wall, exiting the church.

"Now, let's go reaping…" Britta began reading the Scroll as she and her friends disappeared with a loud crack.

Moments later, the three Doombots exploded, leaving only ashes of the church's interior.

* * *

END TAG

"… Britta's cats." Britta cheerfully read.

She frowned.

"What?"

"Ehm…" Troy began, looking down at her feet, "… Britta, don't get mad…"

"Why?" She asked with suspicion.

"It seems that we've appeared…" Troy began with a nervous tone, "… On your cats…"

He closed his eyes, ready to face her outburst.

She looked down at her feet.

Legends tell that her screams of rage were heard in all Greendale.


	7. Elaborate Heist Planning

**A N: I don't own Community, you evil Skrælings! (Quote to ****_Lollypop Chainsaw_****, so, IT'S NOT RACISM!)**

**A N 2: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, JEFF AND ANNIE! What? Are you telling me that they're not yet together? Yeah, right, and I am Emperor Evron the Eleventh-Fifth… Next time, find a better joke to pull on me, you silly Coolflames. (Quote probably understandable only by Italian readers)**

_"Greendale is a fortress right now, you will never get inside without our help…"_

_"Just tell me about the security measures, Murray, then you can begin the preaching…"_

_Murray grunted, "Fine…"_

* * *

_"… Chang had to replace most of his brats with high paid security guards. Those morons of the School Board believe that their salaries are instead devolved to charity or some other bullshit. Only we know the truth. The Chang-glorious Basterds are now patrolling only the door to the Dean's cell. You need to take them down in some way…"_

* * *

"Excuse me…" A girl in along trench coat and bunny ears began saying as she approached the guard outside of one of the college's back door, "… but my boss had told me to present here for a private party. Could you please let me in?"

The guard glanced up from his newspaper, smirking at her.

"Of course, sugar cube…" He said, winking at her.

He heard a low growl.

He looked down as he saw an enormous golden dog (And he called it dog only because wolves cannot possibly be found in a city) at her feet, glaring at him, his leash firmly held by the girl.

"Ow, not now Edward…" She said with a condescending tone, kneeling down and patting his head, "… I'm talking with this kind man here…"

The dog looked at her, his expression trying to sum up the word "Seriously?" without the aid of any human features.

The guard gave it a bemused look before turning to the girl.

"I'm sorry girl, but I'm afraid that I cannot let your dog to…"

"Ow, please…" She whined, batting her eyes at him, "… Poor Edward would be all alone out here in the cold! And then…" She continued, her tone suddenly sultry, "… I could reward you… gladly, if you let him in too…"

The guard gave her a predatory smile, "But of course, little bunny, you two can enter if you want…"

She warmly smiled at him.

The dog kept shooting him daggers with his eyes as they went inside.

* * *

_"… After your last number on that guy's funeral, Chang has also filled the Dean's cell with a time mechanism that make molten silver rain inside it if the door opens but enters someone with a weird heartbeat. This should prevent your lot of freaks to free him by passing by it…_-

* * *

"Don't push!" Shirley shout-whispered to Troy as both of them were crawling in the air vents.

"Sorry!" Troy whispered from behind her.

"Are you sure that that thing is in here?" Shirley whispered again.

"Yes…" He whispered back, "… I've seen her at your wedding, her den should be…"

Shirley suppressed a tear at the mention of her wedding.

Troy, realizing that, tried to quickly change the topic of the conversation.

"Anyway, you surprisingly fit inside those vents for a woman of…"

She froze.

He crushed against her.

"Troy, if you're about to finish that sentence, I'm going to stab you with a wooden stake…"

He gave her (back) a puzzled look, "But, I'm not a vampire…"

Shirley facepalmed.

* * *

_"… Three days from now Chang will move the Dean to a new, secret location. This means that you have to act fast, securing the cell's key and rescuing him before that day. Unfortunately, Chang has the only copy of the cell's key, and he never separates from it. Never. You need to take it when he least expects it…"_

* * *

Abed was humming daybreak from the back of a van, Britta and Pierce by his side, some wires coming out of his left arm and connecting it to a laptop.

"Are we there yet?" Pierce asked Britta.

"No." She answered with an annoyed.

"Are we there yet?" He repeated.

"No." She repeated.

"Are we there yet?" He repeated.

"No." She repeated, her tone slightly more annoyed.

"Are we…

* * *

_"… One last thing. There are rumors back at the AC repair annex that Chang had meddled with forces to great for any man, maybe even with the Great Wrecker itself…"_

_"The Great Wrecker?" Troy asked, confused._

_"It's a one of the most powerful of the demons. We don't know it for sure. Everything we know is that there are weird hounds outside of study room F, and we don't know why…"_

* * *

"I believe this supply closet will be perfect…" The guard said, opening the doors of a room, "… Nobody came here anymore anyway…"

She entered it, leaving her dog outside.

"Now, Edward, Stay here and don't move…" She said, patting his head again.

The dog grunted.

They entered the supply closet, narrowing the door.

"Now, let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes…" The guard said, approaching her.

She gave a scandalized gasp, "… But, sir, I cannot do that! I have a boyfriend!"

He smirked at her as he embraced her, "Yeah? And where is he now?"

"Right behind you…" A low, threatening voice said from behind his back.

He turned, freeing her.

And a punch violently landed on his jaw.

The guard fell senseless to the ground.

Jeff stood there, painting, the collar still attached to his neck.

He gave her a bewildered look.

"Edward, Annie? I mean, seriously… Edward?!"

* * *

_"Alright guys, we need a lash for this plan, does someone own it?" Abed asked in his usual detached tone._

_Everyone stared at Britta._

_"Why are you all looking at me?!" She asked, startled by all those gazes._

_"Ehm…" Annie attracted everyone attention, her cheeks redder than ever, "… We have one…"_

_Everyone stared for a moment at her, dumbfounded._

_Then they began talking all at once._

_"Go girl! I knew you had more than just sunshines and lollypops inside you…"_

_"… Abed's journal, day Theta-Prime, "It appear that J and A had developed new kinks according to their new conditions. This, summed with the previous assumption about the moon cycle on A, brings me to wonder…""_

_"Why haven't you told me you two got a secret dog like Pierce?! That's not fair, guys…"_

_"I knew it, Jeffrey, you've corrupted our poor, little Annie! I knew I should have castrated you before this, I knew it…!"_

_"If you two wanted a leash, you could have asked me to lend you one! They've not been used so much, after all, and only by the servants anyway…"_

_Jeff and Annie sighed, they're gazes down in shame as the storm of comments hit them._

* * *

A loud squeak was heard.

"Annie's Boobs!" Troy yelled, forcing his way through Shirley.

The monkey stared bemusedly at him.

"Ehm, Troy…" Shirley began, her ear pressed against the metal.

"Come here, Annie's Boobs, Come' on!" Troy whined in frustration as Annie's Boobs turned a corner, outside from their sight.

Loud barking was heard from around them.

"Those must be those Hell Hounds…" Shirley stated as Troy whimpered in fear.

* * *

_"Why we need that stupid monkey anyway?" Jeff asked to Abed, the creator of the plan._

_Troy and Abed gave an Annie-like gasp, "Jeff, don't you have any respect for Annie's Boobs?!" Troy asked, outraged._

_He looked down at his girlfriend._

_She preventively swatted his arm, still blushing from before._

_He gave her a mock-gasp "What was that for? I haven't said anything!"_

_She grunted, "You thought it…"_

* * *

"… There yet?"

"Yes." Abed quickly said before Britta could do anything impulsive.

"Finally!" Pierce said, exiting from the van thought the still closed metal doors.

"Come' on, Abed, let's move." Britta said as she started to pack things up.

Abed closed his lap-top.

"Cool."

* * *

_"Seriously, Abed, You're like God!" Troy asked with an amazed tone after Abed explanation of the plan, "… there is anything your body can't do?"_

_"It cannot do miracles for sure…" Shirley muttered under her breath._

_"I'm working on it…" Abed said absentmindedly._

_Shirley glared at him._

* * *

Annie and Jeff glanced at the army of Pre-Schoolers from behind the corner.

Jeff phone beeped.

"It's the signal…" Annie said resolutely, ready to go.

He grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Annie, are you sure about it?" He asked, his face worried.

"I'll be fine, Jeff, I just need to not lose my self-control…" She said with a firm tone.

He gave her a deep kiss.

His mouth quickly departed from hers, "Be careful, Annie…"

She rolled her eyes, "Of course, _Dad…_"

Jeff winced, as someone had just poked him with an hot poker.

"Sorry…" She said with a guilty tone.

Jeff sighed, "Just… Just don't do anything stupid, Okay?"

She smirked at him, "Who do you think I am, one of your usual conquest?"

He smirked back, "You're way more than just that."

She gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning away, ready to begin her part of the mission.

"Good luck." He whispered to her as she turned the corner.

"Hello there, _Little Piggies…_" Annie half growled to get the med-schoolers attention.

She closed her eyes as she undid her coat, revealing her naked form.

Joshua, the leader of them, whistled in appreciation.

"It seems that our enlightened leader has granted my wish for a…" Words died in his throat.

Loud, twisting sounds were heard as Annie arms and legs elongated themselves. Her already big chest widened as fur began growing on her body. Her knees sunk to the ground as claws started growing on her hands and feet, her fingers now bigger of several inches, her ears long and canine, a long, vaporous tail as a spread out from her back, almost like a continuation of her spine, now more visible on her back.

She opened her mouth as her jaws began to extend in a wolf muzzle, each of her teeth turned in sharp fangs.

She opened her eyes, still blue and more suitable for a doe than a wolf.

She howled loud enough for anyone in the building to hear her.

The Chang-Glorious Basterds whimpered in fear.

"_Oh! Come here, little piggies…" _Annie growled at them, _"… Those teeth are not as big as they describe them…_"

They started running to the opposite side, most of them crying and calling their mother.

Annie grinned, "_They will never believe you, little piggies, you've cried wolf to many times!_"

She started chasing them, her will still powerful enough to control the Wolf.

* * *

_Her friends stared at her._

_"What?" She asked, startled._

_They began laughing madly._

_"Told you it wasn't a good idea tell them…" Jeff side whispered to her._

_She gasped, "Guys, It's not funny!"_

_"Are you kidding me…?" Britta began between laughs, "… you've just admitted to be the Big Bad Wolf!"_

_She pouted, "I'm not!"_

_"Yes you are!" Britta continued in the general hilarity, "… You can talk, blow strong winds, disguise yourself as anyone and, to top it all, when you turn you instinctively quote famous fables and fairy tales. You're the Big Bad Wolf!"_

_"You know, at the beginning, when you mentioned the un-aging and the possibility to turn at will, I was afraid that you would have been like one of those Twilight Werewolf…" Abed said between uncharacteristically loud laughs, "… Never could I have expected that…"_

_Annie kept pouting._

_Jeff opened his mouth to say something to her._

_"Shut up, Edward…" She bitterly remarked him._

_He gave her an offended look._

* * *

"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN…" Troy kept repeating, Shirley besides him, Annie's Boobs on his head, as they ran away from the three Hell Hounds chasing them.

Shirley's phone buzzed.

She answered the call.

"ABED, WE'VE GOT THE HELL HOUNDS, WHAT NOW?"

"Eat the red pill!" Abed yelled her from the other end of the phone.

She ended the call, opening her purse.

She took a red pill from it, and swallowed it.

She froze.

Troy kept running away.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He yelled from over his shoulder, without even stopping his rash.

She turned to face the hounds, her right hand raised.

"_Psalm 23:4…_" She began chanting, her eyes glowing.

Troy launched himself behind a vending machine, "Shirley, that's not the time to pray, come here!"

The hound where near here.

"_... Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil…._" She advanced towards them, "_… FOR I AM FEAR INCARNATE!_"

Golden light erupted from her hands, inundating the alley.

The three hell hounds were annihilated in an instant.

The light disappeared, the room seemly unaffected by it.

Troy and Annie's Boobs stared at her in awe.

"AWESOME!"

* * *

Britta and Abed reached Chang's party.

"It's the study group!" He yelled to the guards, "GET THEM!"

The guards raised their handguns.

Abed smiled.

"And Abed said: "Let there be dark!""

The lights in the room died, leaving the place in total darkness.

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool…" He said as the Cyber-mites were spread in the room from under his cloths.

Britta pulled a Kalashnikov from under her robe.

She shot a bust on the ceiling.

"Alright, Greendale, this is an hostage situation…" She yelled as she reached Chang, her body intangible, "… Give us back our school or the fascist pig here dies!"

People started screaming soon after.

* * *

NEXT TIME, ON INTENSIVE COURSE IN EERIE STUFF

"_Let me in, Little piggies..._"

"Annie has lost control!"

"It seems that the Study Group has fallen in our little trap..."

"FEAR THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY!"

"Please don't kill me..."

"TROY, NO!"


	8. Basic Roulette Gambits

**A N: Non possiedo Community.**

**A N 2: I will defeat you, Writer's Block! And your little dog too!**

PREVIOUSLY, ON INTENSIVE COURSE IN EERIE STUFF

"Greendale is a fortress right now…"

"Annie's Boobs!"

"… I just need to not lose my self-control…"

"Alright, Greendale, this is an hostage situation…!"

* * *

AND NOW…

"_Let me in, little piggies…_" the werewolf growled, smashing her paws against the door of the supply closet in which the Chang-Glorious Basterds were now hiding.

"Go away!" Joshua cried, tears coming down from his eyes.

They heard a growl, and the sound of heavy footsteps depart from the door.

Then silence.

"Children?" A far sweeter voice, remembering each of them of their own mother, said, "Are you in there?"

Joshua sobbed, "Who… Who are you?"

"Let me in, Children, I've brought presents for you…" The voice kept saying, lulling them in trance.

"What presents?" Joshua said with a monotone tone as he opened the door.

The werewolf stranded there, her jaws twisted in a wicked grin, her anthropomorphic form allowing her to tower over them.

"_Years of therapy, you little shits!_"

The Chan-Glorious Basterds screamed as they scrambled toward the wall of the closet.

The werewolf began approaching them.

* * *

The Hellhounds reformed in the corridor.

"Finally!" Troy yelled from the study table, 10 cards on his hands, "We've waited ages!"

Annie's Boobs put her cards on the table, revealing five picture cards and five aces.

Shirley and Troy grunted, both folding.

Annie's Boobs smiled as she grabbed all the chips on the table.

The Hounds stared at them.

They then sniffed the air, running madly towards a direction opposite from them.

"Good…" Shirley said, rising from her sit, "… Let's go."

* * *

"WE WANT 500 UNDRED DOLLARS IN CANADIAN DOLLARS, AN HELICOPTER AND TIBET LIBERATION, OR WE KILL THE HOSTAGES, GOT IT?!" Britta yelled at the Policeman now gathered outside of Greendale.

Abed sharply elbowed her.

"AND ALSO WE WANT TO GET REENROLLED!"

"Cool…" Abed said to her as they closed the door, "… This call for a _24_ shot out…"

They heard a bang.

A bullet has been fired by one of the snipers outside, making an hole on the window and forming a gaping hole where Abed's left eye used to be.

"… But I guess that a _Terminator _one isn't bad too…" Half his face said as the metal began reforming around the hole.

* * *

Annie exited the closet as she heard the hounds.

She turned left.

"_BETTER STARVE FREE THAN BE A FAT SLAVE, COUSINS!_" She quoted, running on her fours against them.

"… _I'm a PG wolf, a PG wolf, a PG wolf…" _She kept chanting in her head as she maimed with her claws the first Hellhound.

A dart hit her on the back, releasing something inside her.

Her eyes turned yellow.

"_FUCK PG!_" She roared as she lost the small semblance of humanity she still had.

And so she turned in a wolf the size of an horse, green foam coming out of her mouth.

She threw green goo against the Hellhounds, digesting it on the spot.

And then she started swallowing their remains.

* * *

Jeff tensed, sniffing the air.

"Fuck…" He muttered, his overpowered nose quickly recognizing the smell now polluting the air, "… Annie has lost her control…"

He ran toward the source of the smell.

* * *

Shirley and Troy entered Chang's office.

"Good, and now…" Shirley began saying before freezing.

"But look at that…" Dean Spreck said, turning the Dean's chair to face the intruders, "It seems that the Study Group has fallen in our little trap…"

The guards pointed their guns at them.

They slowly raised their hands in surrender as they were escorted outside.

Nobody noticed Annie's Boobs falling down from Troy's shoulder and landing on the Desk.

She turned towards the closet, filled with the most extravagant outfits.

And grinned.

* * *

Annie's mind was obfuscated.

She could only see red.

A red mist that the Wolf knew was blood.

So much blood.

And meat… So much meat.

She really wanted to eat something.

"Annie!" A distant voice called from out of the mist.

She turned and sniffed.

The Wolf recognized the voice as THE ENEMY!

She propelled blindly towards it, her fangs barren.

She stranded him, starting to bite his flesh.

Is tender, delicious, _wonderful_ flesh.

"Annie, stop right now!" The voice said again, this time nearer.

The Wolf recognized him now.

It was her Endless Buffet.

Annie's mind began to stir as she fought against the wolf.

"Annie, no, Bad Wolf, Bad!" The voice said with a stern tone, like he was talking to his dog or something.

Even as she kept trashing his precious abs with her fangs.

"JEFF!" Annie mentally yelled, overpowering the Wolf.

Her eyes turned blue again.

She saw him smirking at her, his shirt destroyed and stained with blood.

His chest open, most of his internal organs now half eaten or missing.

"_Ops…_" She began growling as she tried to return to her human form.

"I had worst…" He reassured her.

She turned human.

And then she swatted his right arm.

Or where his right arm should have been, if she hadn't eaten it.

"Why are you hitting me!?" He asked, outraged.

"I'm not your dog, Jeff! You have no rights to treat me like one!"

Jeff scoffed, "Oh, excuuuuuuuse, princess, I was just being devoured by my psychotic girlfriend, but of course I had to mind how to address her…"

He smirked at her, "… But of course, if this meant having an armful of naked woman…"

She swatted again, glaring at him, "I wonder if that guard is still in that supply closet, I still need to give him his reward…"

He glared back at her, "I don't allow you to..."

"I'm not your possession, Jeff, I can do what I want…" She said with an haughty tone.

They glared at each other as they both contemplated the idea to rip each other heads off.

Or just to fuck the other into submission, more probably.

A man coughed.

"WHAT?!" They both yelled at him.

And only now they noticed the guards pointing their guns at them

"Silver bullets?" Jeff asked with a smug tone.

One of them shot at his foot, making him whine in pain.

Annie sighed, "Silver bullets."

* * *

"Please don't kill me…" Chang whimpered as Britta aimed her Kalashnikov at him.

She didn't say anything.

The doors busted open.

Annie, Jeff, Shirley and Troy entered the room, the guards still escorting them.

"… Because I won!" Chang yelled, rising from his throne and running toward Dean Spreck.

Britta scowled at her friends.

"Seriously, guys?" She said with a condescending tone, "I've been the last one to get caught? Seriously?"

They casted their gazes down.

Britta smirked at Annie's naked form, "… Well, I guess that when someone cannot control her… Urges…"

Annie gave a scandalized gasp.

"Shut up, Perry, and back with the others!" Chang commanded.

Britta grunted as she and Abed reached their companions.

Britta grinned, "All according to the plan…"

Dean Spreck eyed her skeptically, "What plan, Perry? The one where you do some random shit together and then get caught?" He sneered.

"No…" She said triumphantly, "… The one where you're all inside the same room. NOW!"

Nothing happened.

"I said… NOW!" She repeated.

The guards gave a coarse laugh.

"I wouldn't laugh if I were you…" Abed said in a detached tone, "… In fact, I would start to surrender right now…"

Their laughs became louder.

"And why, if you mind me ask?" Dean Spreck said in a derisive tone.

"We have the higher ground…" Abed stated in his usual matter of fact way, "… We are immortal, almost omnipotent beings. We don't need a plan, because everything will automatically become a Xanatos Gambit, every outcome will become a victory. Sure, you can reduce Jeff to ashes, but he will always rise back at the first drop of blood. You can reduce Annie to her skeleton, but her flesh will grow back before you can do anything against it. You can reduce my body to scraps, but my memory will be automatically sent to all the computers of the state, fragmented and ready to be sent back to one of my backup body. And you cannot do anything to Britta, who is basically our Cleric, allowing us to restore to Unlife all the mortal members we lose…" He paused, letting those information sink, "… We are narrative overpower, we are Gods descended upon earth…" He paused again, "… We are Mary Sues!"

Silence reigned in the room.

And then the Guards returned to laugh.

"Stupid, little Greendale's se…" Chang began saying between laughter as he counted them, "… Wait, I'm forgetting someone…"

"Oh, they usually do it too…" Pierce's voice conversationally echoed in the room.

"PIERCE! NOW MEANS NOW!" Britta yelled again at the air.

They heard Pierce grunting, "I know, Brittles, I'm not deaf…"

He gave a polite cough.

"Zuul, Motherfucker, Zuul!" He bellowed, a gargantuan ghastly version of him appearing in the center of the room, cackling maniacally and flapping his hands around, blue, ethereal chains attached to them.

Chang grunted, unimpressed, "Ghost cannot kill mortals."

The Cyber-Mites began expelling a white gas, obfuscating everyone's non super-powered view.

"But they can unleash Poltergeist activity…" Abed said as he entered in stealth mode.

"FEAR THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY!" Pierce bellowed as all the mortals in the room began rising from the ground.

"AWESOME!" Troy said, swimming in the air.

"Shoot them!" Chang commanded from his upside down position.

The guards began firing.

Jeff moved, almost a blur to the mortals' eyes.

None of the bullets hit their target.

"What…?" Chang asked, confused.

Jeff opened his closed fist, his palm still burning for the silver, and let all the bullets fell.

He groaned in pain, "Totally worth it…"

Britta snickered, "You wanted to demonstrate once again to be the fastest in the universe, Jeff?"

Jeff scowled at her.

Britta grinned, "Am I right, girl?!" She yelled, raising her hand to get an high five with Annie.

Who just stared at her with wide eyes.

Britta grunted, "Spoilsport…"

"As you were talking about your sinful lives…" Shirley chimed in from her floating position as she dual wielded sleeping guns, "… I've already taken down all of them!"

All stared at the now sleeping guards.

Annie grinned, "Hey, we won!"

And then the SWAT forces broke in the room.

* * *

END TAG

Annie's Boobs reemerged from the Dean's Closet.

She was wearing a small pirate costume, a golden coin around her neck, like some sort of amulet.

She entered the air vents, heading towards the Dean's Cell.

She jumped inside, landing on the Dean's head.

"Hello there, my pretty…" He said, tacking Annie's Boobs in his arms.

She smiled at him.

"What's that…?" He asked, touching the coin.

And because of that, the Dean and Annie's Boobs disappeared in a pop.


End file.
